i

Am apparently quite useless.

Yawn

I'm tired.

Reflections

Now that AMUN is over, I notice a few trends in my life.

1) I have a lot more free time.
2) I care a lot less about the Roman Empire.
3) The state of my dress clothes is no longer one of my chief priorities.

AMUN itself was, quite simply, amazing. I had a great time, my committee went (surprisingly?) extremely well and the delegates all seemed to love it. To this end, I have some thank yous to make, some of them those who will definitely read this.

1) Liza & Patricia. Holy shit, none of this could have been done without you guys and you did SO much. I helped Patricia out with like 1/50th of what she had to do and it stressed me out, so holy hell the things you guys must have done is astounding.

2) Jay. Though perhaps both of us resented you a bit for it at the time, you kicking Matt into shape through threat of banishment was a huge help. Honestly, without him this committee would not have worked at all, and his involvement is due to your generosity (and ass kicking).

3) Matt. On the surface, I ran the committee. I carefully monitored debate, determined who spoke and made sure it was flowing in a logical and beneficial manner. However, that's meaningless compared to what you did--run the entire committee in the technical sense, the way that was of so much importance to the successful run of the committee. You worried me at first, but you came through in a spectacular fashion.

After BUSUN, I wasn't all too thrilled with Model UN. I had what should have been an amazing committee that was overall rather mediocre. I still wanted to go to the conferences, but I was becoming concerned with how entertaining and mentally stimulating it could be. AMUN completely regenerated my faith in Model UN. I had a fantastic time, and my delegates were great. Sure, I regret a bit that the most epic speeches came from me, as the delegates on a whole lacked the ability to capture the entire room's attention with one grandiose speech (Modesty? What's that??) that I seem to possess (I hope). However, this meant that no single person shone above the rest of the committee due to manner of speech instead of the content within it. Thus, my best delegate was truly fantastic, and only a sophomore. This is what he did:

On the first day, he appeared to be a bit quiet with good intentions. He supported someone else for emperor when we had the chair assassinated and introduced a seemingly benign idea: a legion dedicated to the protection of Rome, with each faction leader lending some money and troops to it. This legion would be under the control of two people, a military leader and a financial leader. He himself was elected the financial minister. Over the next few hours, he managed to embezzle practically the entire treasury from this legion. A master stroke. Then, he was assassinated because the group finally caught on to his ploys. Upon his return, as his heir, he incredibly managed to get himself installed AGAIN as the financial minister. THAT IS INCREDIBLE. I'm not sure whether this was due to his supreme manipulative skills, the stupidity of the rest of the committee or a combination of the two. Probably the latter. In this position, he once again embezzles money. Then, he attempts to assassinate one of the other delegates. Upon my suggestion, Matt and I have him caught and force him to face the emperor. There, they choose to go rogue. However, this wouldn't prove to be the problem we anticipated for him. After all, he had a huge amount of money available to him considering he pulled off a multi-generational ponzi scheme. Thus, he used all of this money to build up a truly massive army, take Rome and install himself as emperor. He lost it the next turn, but that was due to the unforeseen massive army the barbarians raised. The rest of the committee saw him attempting, sometimes with more success than with other times to manipulate himself back into power. Then, he went over to the other room for a while where he snuck information back to the Roman senate. Unfortunately, the results of this never fully panned out due to time issues, but I can say that overall it was an incredible committee, he did amazingly well and the committee was so fun because of it.

I haven't had this much fun at a conference since WAMUNC last year...but I bet this year's will top that!

This was all written while Ms. Stott lectured us about something or another that I will never learn. Whoo.

Resolutions!

I'm only doing this because I really should sleep, and yet as is oft the case I can't force myself to do so. So, onto the useless goals that I'll never meet!

1) Calm the fuck down. I get high strung over certain things and panic far too easily in situations beyond my control. It doesn't mean relax--I do that frequently. Just chill.

2) Get in to college. A college I want to go to. And get good financial aid so I can actually go.

:(

3) Stop being a dick to my sister.

Surprised? I am too. But honestly, while it is amusing it's not worth the headache when she screams and my mom bitches.

On that note...

4) Be less of a dick to my mom. Not that I'm outright rude to her or anything, more like clean my room when asked and help out around the house. If anyone needs their load lightened it's her.

5) A normal sleep schedule? I doubt it but one can hope.

6) READ. I keep promising myself I will. I don't get why I don't, I love reading. But somehow, I didn't read a single book over this entire break. That bothers me.

7) Shape. Get in it. Obligatory, probably won't happen, but hey wouldn't that be nice.

8) Dedicate more time to creativity. I haven't written anything, be it music, stories or poems in ages and that's a shame.

9) Don't COMPLETELY give up on school. A little? Sure, that's expected I guess. But too much is just silly, especially with college decisions still looming.

10) Qualify for the next round in either bio or physics olympiads. If I don't I'll be rather annoyed with myself.

11) Enjoy myself. Harder than it sounds?

Well, that's that. A whole bunch of things that I'd like to happen that probably won't. I'm good at failing like that. In other news, at least college apps are finally done. I actually finished a few days before the deadline! I'm moderately impressed at that.

And now, It's time to sleep.

Adios.

Fuck

I feel pretty useless right now.

I'm doubting all my regular decision apps. I'm fairly sure my deferral is a long long road to rejection. I'm beginning to regret applying in the first place--did I honestly think I had a shot??

I amuse even myself sometimes.

I am...

Incredibly anxious and nervous!

1-2 days most likely...

Tentacion: El Poema

This is the poem that I started working on at 1:40 monday morning, then got a reception of "creative, deep and beautiful" or something to that effect. Ugh...Spanish class.

I don't know if it even makes sense.

Baila en el borde de sus pensamientos
Constantemente, burla su determinación
“Ven aquí” el susurra
“Se que tu desea”
Pero sabes que no puedes escuchar

Siempre esta en su conciencia
Coerce tu a los pecados
“Jugar con nosotros” los pecados piden
“Será muy divertido!”
Pero sabes que no puedes escuchar

Siempre esta creciendo
Cada vez, mas difícil de ignorar
“Estás rompiendo!” el Alegó
“Poco a poco, estamos ganando”
Pero sabes que no puedes escuchar

Finalmente, es demasiado fuerte
Tentación, no más débil
“Por fin, por fin!” Se cacareó
“Ahora no hay escape”
Y sabía que tenía que escuchar


If you don't know what it means, google translate it if you care and you'll get a fairly accurate idea....considering that's how I did it in the first place!

Almost there!

The end is in sight!

Revision

I'd love to do my revision, but my opthamologist is away on vacation.

Yes, I actually do have conversations like this.

Me: how are you gonna break
Her: hmm
Her: hammer to the forearm?
Me: that sounds interesting but ultimately rather uninspired
Her: oh
Her: im sorry i can't be more creative
Me: mmhm
Me: forexmaple
Me: you will go ice skating
Me: and you decide to be daring and stay in there after hours
Me: and then as you finish a perfect triple toe loop you trip on a bump in the ice
Me: a zamboni revvvs out of no where
Me: and comes speeding across the ice far too quickly for you
Me: but you manage to grasp onto a rope that just happened to be dangling from the wall of the rink
Me: and you PULL! as hard as you can
Me: and manage to avoid the zamboni almost completely
Me: only the big toe which you tragically dislocated on your trip and was thus a bit longer than usual
Me: was ran over and mangled by that rampant zamboni
Her: LOL
Me: then the zamboni was stopped by your feral scream and you pulled yourself to safety
Her: hm
Her: interesting

Product of too much bio lab a few days ago :p

The internet makes me sad sometimes

Quote from random twitter browsing:

TheyCallMeIdiot: #youhaveanicebodybut you are so idiot and childhood

....words cannot describe how appalled I am.
And this isn't even the worst of the bunch.

Science > Aquinas (*lol*)

Saint Aquinas's theory of God, *simplified*, is as follows:

Everything has a cause, and nothing can cause itself, because that would require that object pre-existing itself. If one extends the notion of every object having a cause infinitely, it obviously doesn't work. Thus, there has to be an initial cause, eternal in nature. That cause created everything else, at least indirectly. That cause, we call God.

He extends this same rationalization to things being in motion, etc.

"Scientific" exploration:

Let us take two things to be true:
God exists
The Laws of Thermodynamics

Let us look at the very beginning of the universe, according to Aquinas. All that would exist is this initial cause, that we refer to as God. It is evident that this is the most ordered state of the universe: there is only one being, and he is perfection. Perfect order exists. We know that according to the second law of thermodynamics, the entropy of the universe is always increasing. Thus, it is impossible for this perfectly ordered universe to be sustained-it must tend to disorder. It follows then that this God, this initial cause, must create. As he creates, more things are in existence in the universe, it is more spread out, more chaotic. This necessitates a continued creation, so as to increase disorder, so God or his creations must continue to create.

What this tells us about Aquinas's proof:

If it can be rationalized by science, then it is false, as theology and science do not mesh.



Notes:
Yes, I'm aware this is complete bullshit. The premise doesn't really work and it's a ridiculous progression of logic. However, it is entertaining to consider :) Basically, this is a product of immense boredom.

College Admissions

College essays are by far the most irrational thing I have ever attempted to write. And this is after multiple years of submitting utter bullshit for lit essays.

The essence of the issue, as far as I understand it, is that we are attempting to convey our identity to a school, so that they may gain a deeper understanding of us. Instead of numbers, we are supposed to jump out of the page and form something more real. However, the essays are extremely contrived. How is it showing who we really are if the entire point, as far as the student sees it, is to make themselves stand out even more? Most everyone attempts to discuss their flaws in such a way that they show their own path to splendor, or else they take the other and equally as cliche route, in which they simply detail one of their true accomplishments. How does one judge a person when all they are presenting is their most intriguing, interesting sides as vetted by everyone under the sun they could get to read their essay?

"Oh! I know!" said the colleges. "We'll alleviate the contrived nature of the essay by having people interview with us. That will show us their true selves!" Except not. It's the same inane bullshit, tooting one's own horn for the purpose of engaging the interviewer. It is not a true representation of one's character, and I fail to see how colleges can even pretend that that is the case.

I'm not sure if this post is the product of a rational, logical thought process or whether it's merely me expressing my discontent with the strive for attention that is the college process, but regardless it is rather infuriating.

Time to go write my own contrived essays!

Too soon??

But hysterical none the less.