Large post of random thoughts

As I type this, I'm sitting in my living room at 12:40 pm on a school day. I guess it's nice to have allergies sometimes, even though I could hardly breathe until about 40 minutes ago. I'm not even really sure what the point of this post is....maybe there is none. Oh well. I'm trying to figure out what I am going to do with my life for the next 5 years....college admissions process blows and I really don't want to start it. Especially because I'm not going to get in anywhere I'd like to....despite being (let's ignore arrogance) rather intelligent (I hope), I was a lazy shit freshmen year and my GPA shows that. On the other hand, I have an upward trend through each year and this year I'm sitting at straight A's (with like 2 A-'s. Grr mendy). I really hate the idea that me being lazy freshmen year could kill my chances at a good school. I'm hoping that my upward trend, good test scores and life story will get me in at ONE of my top choices. That'd be ideal, but it's probably not going to happen. And its not only for my sake-I'd be perfectly willing to go to a NOT-top school, if I found some that I like. First of all, it wouldn't be that hard to get good grades and transfer out should I want to AND it would be easier for me to get a great GPA which is unfortunately necessary for med school. However, I'd prefer not to for the simple reason that I love being surrounded by intelligence and people who aren't tend to anger me. But the real reason I don't feel I can is my family-they have this unreasonable expectation that I'm going to be accepted to numerous top schools and attend one of them. Personally, I think that's ridiculous. Even for a top student, the <10% admit rate is daunting and rather hard to beat. But for someone whose grades aren't really within the range if you take the cumulative GPA, it's rather laughable. Who knows, maybe I'll get lucky at one of the higher schools that are willing to forgive things like lowish GPAs in freshmen year provided I demonstrate some legitimate passion. Or something.

Yay walls of text filled with equal amounts of arrogance, insecurity and honesty. How uncharacteristic of me.

Speaking of things being uncharacteristic of me, while I'm ranting about a bunch of stuff I might as well cover a topic I consider to be important-Me. In some ways, I'm very happy with who I am in high school. I have a decent group of friends, I'm funny, I'm fairly intelligent and I enjoy myself. On the other hand, people that don't matter (read: ones that I don't like) would automatically say that I'm an antisocial asshole upon being asked about me. Now, I don't think I care that much (but I obviously care more than I'd hope to considering that I'm writing about it), but sometimes it would be nice for more than...10? people to know that there's more to me than the dick persona I present. Obviously, this portrayal of me is my fault, but eh. Maybe I'll be able to turn that around eventually.

Maybe I shouldn't have stayed home alone. I think too much, and my thinking tends to go towards bad places when I'm not doing anything moderately productive.

Today is May the fifth, if you weren't aware. Which means that it's really close to June. Which means that it's really close to the end of junior year. Which is *awesome*. yaaaaaaaaayyy. I'm very excited for the summer. I'm hopefully doing EMT training, and I might be going away. Like, from the eastern seabord. That'd be cool-never really done it before.

Okay, I'mma end this before I go off on even more random tangents. Next post when I have something to talk about.